What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
