Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
