the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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