Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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