my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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