Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
