Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize