Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I smell stomach acid.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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