Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
