dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
