The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
