Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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