she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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