She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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