I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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