get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
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