I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
