I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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