Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
