The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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