I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
