Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
