if you like me you must not know who I am
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
