hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
