Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
