Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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