I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
