How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
