don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
