already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
