so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
