ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
