did you get engaged???
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
