My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize