the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
