dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He felt like a one man threesome
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
