his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
