operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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