You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
tell me about the fingering
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
