He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
