My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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