you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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