its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think I sprained my soul last night
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
