I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
