Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
