so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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