i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize