No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize