from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
