I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
