one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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