i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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