I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
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