Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
