Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
