I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
