I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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