he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
