he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
