Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
